Conversations with Kayla

Introduction

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Hello, and welcome to the Autism in Black Podcast. I’m Maria Davis-Pierre a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Florida. And America’s number one, autism advocate for black parents. I am the founder and CEO of Autism in Black Inc., where we aim to include the excluded. Today. We have Kayla Smith. Kayla is a black autistic disability rights advocate. She decided that she wanted to become an advocate in November of 2017 because she wanted to get rid of the stereotypes and stigma around autism and disability. In general, she wants to make a difference in the world and show what autistic people are made up. She also wants to bring awareness around the lack of representation of autistic people of color in the autistic community. She believes it’s important to let the world know that autistic people of color exist. She also wants to change the image of autism to reflect the real diversity in the autistic community. She is the creator of the Autistic Black Pride and Black Autistic Pride hashtag. I’m really excited at having Kayla on the show to give her experience as a black autistic female. Enjoy today’s show.

Episode

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Hi, and welcome to another episode of the Autism in Black Podcast. Today, we have a very special guest. We have Ms. Kayla Smith. I’m very excited about having her on the podcast today. So hi Kayla. How are you doing today?

Kayla Smith:
Doing fine.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Good. So I already let everybody know. I read your bio already. So if you could please just tell us more about yourself and tell us what you would like us to know.

Kayla Smith:
I’m a student at Tech, which I’m studying right now. And I’m getting my associate arts, which is a college transfer program. So I’m planning to transfer to a four university and hopefully get a degree in accounting. So I could come a certified public accounting or CPA. Maybe work for a nonprofit for this disability rights. I live in North Carolina, which I live in Winston-Salem. I was diagnosed when I was two. Along the way in my journey finding me, I work. So I go school and work at the same time. So I’m the baby of the family. So I’m an aunt and I’m a great aunt.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Wow.

Kayla Smith:
I got great news. So she turned one in November.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
So you said that you wanted to eventually work for disability rights?

Kayla Smith:
Yes ma’am.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
And you do something sort of like that now with advocating?

Kayla Smith:
Yes.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Can you tell us a little bit about what you with that?

Kayla Smith:
Mostly, for me, when I first started, my efficacy, I’m willing to talk about five, four guest. The stigma around autism says autism always displayed in a negative way, always they type in. So, I did go at my school back in 2016, 2017, before I took a year off from school and way more awareness about autism and find a stigma and stereotype about it. And talk about myself being autistic. Some way where the autistic and things like that. And also talk about the way more representation of autistic people. Because a lot of times I see people like me on all media, book, TV, could name a book. The first I ever see a black autistic called Power Ranger, they’re popping on a weapon and cool like me.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Wow. Yeah. I’m trying to think because as the audience knows, as you know my daughter who is seven is autistic, and I’m trying to think if I’ve ever seen any movie or TV show that had a representation of a black autistic female. And I can’t think of any.

Kayla Smith:
Well, you had your idea but not as a whole.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Right. So we see a black females, but them being actually autistic, I haven’t. And then there are the shows that where their individual is autistic, but they’re not black or female. So I can’t think of anything. No, can’t. I will have to watch that Power Rangers though. Because I’ve never seen that.

Kayla Smith:
Yeah. I think a new version, not the old one, the new version, I think the 2013 moved back here.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
So when you saw that movie, what feelings did it bring about for you?

Kayla Smith:
Oh, wow. Sound who black autistic. That awesome. But I wish that put it with a fair man that made me really excited, but very awesome. But that’s nine today. It’s own little stereotype, but seems like a blast to like, Ooh, yay.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
I know. I get excited anytime that I see somebody who was black and autistic and a female, I’m like, Oh my God, representation matters so much. So, can you tell us when you first realized or was told that you were autistic?

Kayla Smith:
So I would down ourselves, we’re young, so I didn’t know where to sit. But my mom told me, I diagnosed, my diagnosis. At the moment we searched, when I’m by myself and, remember like very beginning, I have a question myself like, oh, will I be… I used to say girl with autism and it’s a lot there. We were not to sit there by to me, a black girl with autism. I will not so much, but I would say, autistic girl or black autistic. But now since I used people first language, but I did it first languages now. So I call you both way, but most of you at the yeah. First languages now. So when I look it up, I don’t see much resources or websites what would be a black autistic woman. When I got older I find out the doctor’s community on social media, if few, by one, two, three, four, I’ll go. But not so much.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
That is true. So you mentioned the people first versus identity first language. And I know I get this question a lot. When I’m referring to my daughter, because I do refer to her as identity first. I refer to her as an autistic as my autistic child. And a lot of people are like, oh no, you shouldn’t do that. I’m like, well, you know, it depends on the person and what they would like. So you’re saying that you started off with people first and then you switched to identity first, but now you use them interchangeably as well.

Kayla Smith:
Yeah, some autistic feel at all like the people I did anything. They think that, you know being say that you person, don’t let this be define you, but at the same time, at that point, are you in some way or form. So, I remember like this one episode I gave to the community who would talk about, I forgot her name. And we tell it to this way, write her name as one. And she have a physical disability. And she talks about it’s a fair how people prefer their selves, not agree with everything. How they had to put the day, where they had a person who have disability or disabled person. It will how they defend for themselves. So you’ve got to strike to people, press on what they prefer.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Can you tell us about your hashtag Autistic Black Pride and the importance of it? I know I’ve seen it on Twitter. When following you and seeing some of the things that you have written about the hashtag, but can you tell the audience about your hashtag.

Kayla Smith:
Yeah. Autistic Black Pride is about self-voicing being black and autistic. And said by, this is who you are. It’s especially for black autistic. And they family member separate, you know being pride, you know why be powerful? Yeah. Did him. We knew, we said our black class or you’re autistic. Set by both, its part who we are, you know, and finger pointing. So above, I didn’t stay on one. Like I know how to some said but who I am also one step, they’d be a black,you’re now part of.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Yes. Yes. I completely agree. And in the autistic community has it been accepting of you celebrating the autistic black pride?

Kayla Smith:
Yeah. Mostly like most have I, you know, basically like autistic. Definitely. Yes. They like it it’s , you know, in a way and it’s good. And people ask me like, talk about your hashtag and all that good stuff. And I’m like, yeah, you know.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
And I know a part of your platform is bringing more awareness and acceptance about autism. When you talk to those, for instance, parents like myself. What are some of the advice you’d give them on having a child who was autistic, a black child who was autistic?

Kayla Smith:
Well, I remember my mom friends, they have grandparents who have child. I’ve just, I remember had some parents telling me just chance to accept your child. You know, they have a family member at that classmate we have occurred and no family members were also autism. As you say, like just trying to stay in line. Not every autistic differ it’s know about to say the same. So we’re very different just trying to accept and I’m trying get there. I know this, I remember going on this time, someday I wish I could get so that I can move first. I’m not say our family perfect, but it’s a child to get us. So now don’t give up on us. I know there’s a time like, yeah, well maybe two times. And I know they visit first about autism in particular, there was an accepted that childlike have made it accessible to a child.

I realize that I’m now really aware about the black community. So now we’ll have much. And I remember my mom friends, Lucy tell me you know, she kind of like, feel like, so, Oh, there are like, it’s okay. You know, trying to get. I think she had a grandson, understand them, you know, there’s, it’s okay to be autistic but in a time which I learn from activists, who are a disabled black activists. They said, talk to you so you had to protect yourself being black. It’s just a sexuality. Then you got potato being black and the main you know it had the worldview as very complicated.

Maria Davis-Pierre
Yes, it is very complicated. Its many layers to it. Me and you had a conversation previously and we talked about the many layers of one, being black and then two, being a woman and then three, being autistic and how all of those layers are bring different challenges to you, to my daughter, to, black women who are autistic. What do you think has been the biggest challenge for you in navigating, with your diagnosis and those who don’t understand?

Kayla Smith:
I remember sometimes I may have noticed, basically when I tell people I’m autistic, which, and part of autism. But not every time, that I’m autistic, you know, It’s okay. This is the value I like. So it does define me and others. I remember one time. So since I talk about, you know being way more know like autistic, you know, many issue well be black autistic. This stuff I remember of the controversy about that thing somebody like wife, who are autistic , who appear to be wife using our shoes as key for waste of them. Wherever and well, the parents, I guess she’s from UK, she catch him, I guess you’re not autistic or use a skill for OC for black activism, but I forgot also black too. So, also like people don’t take you seriously.

You talk about autistic to the waistline. Why bring it up? I remember like your turn, you know why I remember nursing my, Oh, we all gotta, no. You black, it would be a totally different experience or be a Latina or aid. It could be told different. Although, we don’t spend that day, even though my code at one particular point, you’re not, but you put it the other way. So the main line, I’m this end of the common identity that may I had to fight a little harder because you don’t believe a black person, or a woman or autistic woman. It so, it got be harder.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Yes, it is definitely different. Because I know my worries as a parent, when talking to parents who are white, our worries are completely different. My first and foremost worry is something happening to my child because she’s black. I don’t even think that say an officer for instance, would even get to the part of her being autistic because she’s black. And you know, in this day and age, black is seen as a threat. So, for me, that is my number one concern. And a lot of black parents concern is the danger when interacting with people who don’t understand autism have never been around somebody who’s autistic. And then they encounter one of our children and they don’t understand what’s going on and they see it as a threat and then something happens to them. Do you have any worries like that?

Kayla Smith:
I never thought about to, you know act in my life. Whoa, I never thought about this way. And made me think about it. You might have seen that, isn’t it like back in Florida, find out that person who autistic, but here like Latina. You will use a toy. But it finally, Peter was for the saw him not here Peter helping him. It went back to him, caseworker or the therapy, wherever the tenancy. I like, whoa, It don’t protect you for your autism, but you don’t want to protect it because your waste, you know what I’m saying? So its reason.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Yes, it actually happened down here. I’m in Florida for those of you who don’t know. And it happened down here in my area and it was definitely in a scary situation in an eye-opener, like you were saying, like, Oh wow, that’s crazy. What do you wish people would understand when having conversations with you when encountering you? Because I know a lot of times when people hear the word autistic, they get nervous or they don’t know what to say and they don’t want to offend you or, and you know, the conversation just kind of, you know, doing those to stuff that can be offensive. So,what do you wish people would understand when I’m having conversations with you?

Kayla Smith:
Just like, I’m no different. Yes. I process things differently. A lot of time, but I’m not being autistic, I just saw type like this is a guy don’t assume that they are too sick in bed and say, oh, do they all do different? There was that do but at same time it just afar me in some ways. So like, it is like, I guess I just talk to me as a normal human being. And I remember of some people say that some are family member not like you, you know what? Somebody like, not speaking or nonverbal, say, oh, you have a better, I don’t have a better, I know baby who need more help. Who need more needs that I do. I remember, like, have I wanted to become a classroom mind. I told him and I, yeah, because in nonverbal, I say, what you do or what her needs? You know, it there’s like a new song, conversation line where the back chain come is color. I remember the term LA because I probably wish shrimp was on the back. Why her daughter Kayl, why she autistic? Oh my calm down, common. Prostrate but you can’t change people as you started to get, like, don’t look at us in a bad way. I remember, what do you like? Just like, sometimes they act like how you know stuff like this. It’s okay. You know, like its okay. Let them be them, you know what I’m saying.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
And you bring up a good point. Because we had this conversation about the high functioning and low functioning terms and how it can be offensive just because somebody is considered high functioning doesn’t mean they don’t need any services. And you brought up that point with talking about someone who nonverbal or non-speaking versus someone who is speaking. Can you tell the audience a little bit about why those terms are offensive to high functioning versus low functioning?

Kayla Smith:
By a member from my autistic people who are activists. They say like, when you use our tone, who could pass in society? Non-verbal, you ain’t gonna be nothing, blah, blah, blah. Oh, they paying you a people like me, who could do if they like, you know, when we tell them to, they say, oh, you will speak to my two who are nonverbal. I like we are too. So I knew I’d be autistic. As seen as allows us to better, but they try and talk to another parent why I thought I see the like that. Wow. It’s been good. No diversity. So high –functioning autistic low –functioning autistic autism for compensate. So then I get the term mix up or misinterpret in the word diversity. We do include all autistic. Not though who speak for ourselves. Yeah. It’s just such a bye. Which is some diversity. The bounce his name DJ, called DJ his talking about he’d gone to college. He the ACA and be better you live your life. I think find a way to be successful. What our needs are, maybe could have a benefit, a lot of time, more research. I forgot what to have. What was quote, unquote that shot that happened. I had to see in life.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
And that is true. I know people consider them my daughter, Malia high functioning, and it really bothers me because a lot of times they don’t give her the grace to process what people are saying to her. They expect her to answer right away. You know, they don’t give her that grace. And I think that’s what frustrates me with the terms high functioning versus low functioning because people equate higher functioning to not needing needs or not needing services or having things that I needs that need to be met. And that, I think that’s the frustrating part for me. But thank you for also sharing your viewpoint as well because I never thought about that.

Kayla Smith:
Yeah. People say by tell me like you have a…they don’t allow me to say that. No, I’m not, no ben though. Who need more head that I do. Don’t say that.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Yes it is. To me, I’m like, Oh my gosh, don’t because a lot of times they’ll say things like she doesn’t look autistic.

Kayla Smith:
Yeah. They say like maybe say out to the look like. I know autistic. I just don’t have a look. I will tell you like, woah. Yeah, I could walk pass the test the whole time. Can I say something? I don’t have a look.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
I think that is definitely so important for people to understand. For parents who are just getting their kids diagnosis with autism. What would you say to encourage them? I know for me speaking with you has been such an eye opener and so encouraging because I know a lot of times parents can only see present day for their children. But seeing everything that you’re doing is like, okay, this is so amazing. So what would you say to encourage them?

Kayla Smith:
I can’t speak for everybody, but as a crusade is this just love us as we are. We’ve processed into fully, don’t try wipe present into, I know a typical. Nope. Why pass that? No, because it came, first went, but don’t give up on us and try to love us and find way to come to us by just some services. Instead like, I don’t want to say it, but this is why subject called ABA. I know there’s conflict with that particular therapy that make view that be here. Normally they’re accepting who they are and is five, maybe like services, help them grow as a individual and it’s hard to stay, this learn and grow with my parents had the grow with me. I guess take patience.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Yes. And I think you bring up a good point that your parents had to learn and grow with you. I think as parents, that’s what all of us are trying to do. We learn and we grow. Because every milestone that’s hit it’s something different, something else that we have to understand differently. I know for me, one of the things that I’m my next worry was Malia’s puberty. Like how do we navigate puberty with her? And I think that’s every time we hit a milestone, we do have to learn and grow. And I think that’s a great statement. Just learn and grow.

Kayla Smith:
Yeah. It’s, you know, since she go teenager too, treat her like other teenage. I will train myself. I said, I’m 22 now.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
How did your parents navigate the puberty, the puberty phase with you? Because for me that is like, oh my gosh.

Kayla Smith:
Oh, well, guess for me being teenage, you know, being a girl, one, four three, more friends, will be popular, maybe like a typical teenager, most are teenagers. They fight in my face. Like, ah, we’ll be all back. And I gave the go, I was a basketball player and I’m a tall girl, so 6 foot. So, sometimes like you don’t fit in, I kind of feel this way. Now they fit in, keep pushing, trying to fit in and moving forward. So, in middle school I’m bullied.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
You are bullied in middle school?

Kayla Smith:
Yeah. High, middle school. Yeah

Maria Davis-Pierre:
How did you deal with that?

Kayla Smith:
Okay. I kept it to myself. I did talk to my mom, but yeah. Oh no, I do because I left out stuff like that. So, but you can feel this way now where it could be. My family said a school work at the cafe left out this own way. Stop there. Wish you don’t give him my associates. There’s something I want to like be good at, but like, I’m acting most of the time. Be myself.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
I think that’s a worry for a lot of parents, as well as the bullying and, one for me, if my child is even going to be aware that bullying is happening or if she’s being taken advantage of, and her being aware that situation is happening and talking with her about that. Because you know, the isolation, like you said is real, you do feel left out and you do feel lonely. And I know that’s a concern for parents as well as those who are actually autistic, navigating through that phase of elementary, middle and high school. You know, those are some difficult times for those people who are neuro-typical, and then you add in different disabilities it becomes even more of a challenge because high school is, was not my personal favorite time and I’m a neurotypical black woman. So I can’t even imagine when my daughter gets to that age, what we’ll be dealing with because things are definitely different.

Kayla Smith:
And maybe the cause level too, I don’t know about a cause load, but I’m a college now, a community college and I forgot to, I can’t find myself, not talking to a lot of people. There has to be. She wouldn’t that one wish I could admit, I do have some difficulty because high school very different from college, and I have a hard time having socializing thing, I’m bad at it. I know I’m bad at it. I don’t know why they like but I know that commendation before you actually download that, but not like.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Is there anything you would like the audience to know that we haven’t discussed today? Or you want to say anything before we wrap up?

Kayla Smith:
I will say and just learn best way. Listen this is to also, I have a YouTube channel Autistic Kayla: The Opinion of A Black Autistic Woman. So I have a channel and I do try to video a bit. And there’s a talk about my journey. They have black participant woman. I’m very excited also that people know, like let the world know that autistic people exist, listen to us and bring our voices. Make room for us. I know autistic will be autistic adult one day, like me. I wish I have more people like me older, I am young. Maybe I could be like role model. I wish to help me out in that phase. Maybe I could help them out in a journey. And, maybe change the system how people view out wide view, autism in the media. So the means is even though the world diversity and autistic community, and also fight for our rights, you know, that your child duty matters, the law matters. They know less than the other who don’t have it. The human being could we dare to exist.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Yes. I love that. Can you tell people where they can find you on social media?

Kayla Smith:
I have a twitter which is @beingmskayla, and on Facebook I took out my personal account Kayla Smith, but I do get page called Kayla Smith. And, post a little bit one or two. So with the head, when I had to say out to the tailor to guy used to channel my mission earlier, access to care, the PR, but black woman, I’ve got an Instagram is @beingmskayla. Got a linkedin account with Kayla Smith.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
And all of this will be in the show notes as well. I just want to thank Kayla for being on our show and give us giving us the insight from an autistic black woman’s perspective. Because as you all know, I’m a parent and I’m not actually autistic. So I don’t speak from that point of view. So I want to thank Kayla again for being on our show and thank you all for listening.

Kayla Smith:
Thank you much for having me. It’s a very important that have a perspective who are black autistic as well, like who could relate being black and be autistic. So very important to have a voice and perspective.
Maria Davis-Pierre:
Yes. I agree with that.

Kayla Smith:
Hello. And now there are some, a few who are the black pride in the autism community, from a different religion, nationality, to talk about the issue.

Maria Davis-Pierre:
Yes. And thank you again for being on the podcast. I thank you so much. And again, thank you all for listening.